Leaving the Past.

It started off like all other days. Coffee to help fuel the tired, lifeless body that had to walk this earth.

A small scroll through what was a sucking abyss disguised as a form of communication; warm shower to help the lonely, pale cells that were covered by cold flesh.

Nothing seemed to be different or out of place; except there was a sinister feeling in the air.

As I made my way out the door, I could feel a chill run through my spine paralyzing me. A feeling so cold that was warning me to stay put stay somewhere safe. If I had known what fate had waiting for me. I would run back inside and hide, hide under the warmth of my bed and comfort of my sloth pillow and never come back out.

Nothing seemed different. I worked. I yawned. I conversated. I laughed. All normal.

Until.. It was all gone. In one blink everything went dark, a turn of the wheel, a harsh break, one crash and it was all over. I was now walking with those who were no longer walking among us.

Everything was black. I was in and out of what seemed to be a nightmare, going from darkness to being pulled back into the body that was trying to keep you alive and going felt surreal. I was not there but somehow every limb every cell knew what to do. They knew how to control my body in a way that would get me out. Finally, the only feeling left was emptiness, sadness; and the familiar feeling of loneliness that had been following me from the very moment my feet touched the ground earlier that day.

Those feelings eventually found their way out, they found a way to take me down. They were going to take me with them no matter the cost. I allowed those feeling to crumble me, they pushed me to me own death. I could feel mind wanting to let go but I could also hear my soul wanting to fight. I could hear a voice telling me to “wake up, wake up and crawl out of the rumble”. Every bit of me that always put up a fight, every moment that made me smile and laugh gave me the strength to get up and save myself.

It was not long before I realized the girl who walked out of that horrible moment was no longer here. She no longer exists; the moment her eyes opened and saw light, she had been reborn.

It took 25 years, a whole lot of pain, hurtful moments and traumatic experiences to finally leave the past in the past. Saying goodbye to all regrets, mistakes, and those who no longer walked along side me. Including myself. Someone did die in that accident; she was strong and did not know it. She was hurt by so many, wronged by those close to her. She was beautiful and she was also tired.

Goodbye me. I loved you. You were the me of lost times. You fought for me but now, it’s time I fight for myself. Thank you.